I think I might fall apart

Back to work tomorrow. My heart is killing me. I knew this would suck, but I didn't know it would hurt so badly. I love my little guy more then anything, and even though I know I'm not cut out to be a stay at home mom, the thought of not being with him all the time is enough to make me just want to die.

The tears have already started, which super sucks because crying makes me exhausted. I'm going to look like ass-hat for my first day back.

Thankfully, it's a short week.

Holiday Cheer....or Not :)

Santa's lil' homie
Holy cow Mom! Stop taking my picture!

Seriously, who do I call when the Mom-arazzi won't stop?

I have big cheeks.

I warned you lady!

My Last Week At Home

Next Monday marks my first day back to work. While I love my job and the people I work with, I'm still very sad. I know I couldn't hack it as a stay at home mom, especially in the winter. With the cold weather and cold and flu season, I really haven't taken him out much.

Last Tuesday, David and I visited the Day Care Center he'll be starting at on January 5th. For the last two weeks of the year, David will be home taking care of him. I'm really grateful for that time to transition back to work, and know that he is home with David. The morning will be chaotic, I'm sure, but at least we don't have to get him out the door some where just yet. This will help me figure out a morning routine and work out some kinks before we start at daycare. Or it will all go to hell in a hand basket and maybe a routine with an infant is too much to ask for right now? I don't know. I think we'll be able to figure it out.

My little guy is getting so big. As I type this, he is in his bouncer playing with the animals that swing before him. It's amazing how many changes are taking place. Things that did not interest him at all are captivating him now.

He smiles big and responds to us when we try to get him to smile. He has such a great dimple when you can get a good one out of him. He gives the best smiles to David. Dave will get home from work, and still have his winter hat on, and Danny doesn't seem to recognize him. As soon as he takes his hat off, he starts to give Dave huge smiles that could light up a room. He's also cooing a lot and talking to us.

Saturday night we had a family Christmas party that kept us out late and was a lot of fun. Sunday, we were lumps on a log and agreed that we would all have a pajama day. We slept late and Dave made some yummy pancakes. Not long after that, monkey started to fuss. As we played on my bed, I picked him up and snuggled with him. He conked out and I was in heaven. Dave turned out the lights and Danny and I took a long nap. It was the best. Dave took a few pictures of us cuddled that I haven't seen yet.

What makes napping and waking up even better is that he is always smiling. He is such a happy baby when he wakes up. Right away he's smiling. When David went in to get him this morning around 6:30, I knew we were up for the day because Monkey was smiling and talking to Dave.

This week, I need to do two things. Organize my clothes for back to work, and organize Danny's. I have avoided trying on a lot of work clothes and pretty much lived in my jeans while I've been off. I guess I can't avoid that much longer. Ugh. I also need to go through Danny's stuff because he's already popping out of some of his clothes! I couldn't believe it last week when I had to transition him into 6-month pajamas! He's not even 3-months yet!

I'm off to change Monkey's diaper...who knew that one little boy could make so much music in his pants!

Pray for a Miracle! There was a HEARTBEAT!

My friend, who I wrote the post about before, may have a little MIRACLE on her hands. Yesterday was her follow-up appointment at the doctor to ultimately confirm her miscarriage and schedule her for the next step to take place today, Friday.

Well low and behold, THERE WAS A HEARTBEAT!

Yes, you read that correctly. There was an embryo with a beautiful white flashing light (heartbeat). She sent me a text when I was doing some shopping last night and I just about started to cry at the return counter of Babies R Us. I immediately called her, and I could tell she was still stunned. Who wouldn't be?

At this point, they pregnancy could still go either way, but their doctor was positive and said he has seen a lot of amazing miracles come out of this same situation. Her next appointment is on December 22nd. Please Please say some extra prayers for her and her husband.

Daniel's Baptism.

Wow. This has been a chaotic week. Daniel's Baptism was on Sunday, and it was beautiful. Between getting ready for that, and then subsequently putting everything away, I was exhausted! He did wonderful on Sunday, and we have some great pictures to remember the special day.

I started this post earlier in the week and just kept getting distracted. Plus, I had a bit of cold and my head just wasn't into it. For all of the advantages of breastfeeding, being unable to take cold medicine does not fall under that. Ugh.

Here are a few pictures...



Grandparents, parents and Father Gary.

Godparents Jodi & John.

I highly recommend having a white pacifier with you! Holy cow, this was such luck that it was in my diaper bag!

The proud parents.

Great Grandma Mary

A Prayer For My Friend

Yesterday, my dear friend was told she had suffered a second miscarriage. The news just broke my heart. She and her husband are going to make the best parents. I say that as a fact because I know they will have a family someday.

I just don't understand God's plans sometimes and I'm not sure I ever will.

My brother gave me a book after our loss titled "When Bad Things Happen To Good People". He put a beautiful inscription in the book for us, and I remember trying to read it. I struggled to get past the first few pages. Maybe it was too soon to try to understand? I've learned it will never be too soon, because I've never understood.

My friend and her husband are beyond "Good People", they are the best. No one deserves bad things, but it is especially painful when you know how huge their heart is and how ready they are to share that love with a child.

Please say a prayer for my friend and her husband. That they get through this second loss and keep faith in their dreams for a family.

My Michelin Man

Over the weekend, we kept joking that Danny was our Thanksgiving Turkey. He's practically a 15-pounder (ok, not quite yet), but he is getting big.

This morning, I gave him a bath, and holy cow, the rolls are endless. I felt like I was bathing the Michelin Man. I had to make sure I got in between his rolls just to make sure I got out any "neck jam", "arm pit jam", or "belly jam". And let me tell you, this was not an easy feat.

Today, when I went to clean his man parts, I lifted the washcloth, and with a perfect arch, he peed. Fortunately, the washcloth was strategically placed and protected me and the kitchen.

He's feeling a bit under the weather today. Looks like he's coming down with a cold. So we're giving him lots of TLC. As I type, he is strapped into his Bjorn and snoring away on my chest.

I'm hoping he is feeling much better in time for his baptism this Sunday. Keep your fingers crossed.