22-weeks.

This week, I am 22-weeks (5.5 months) pregnant. I am still loving it. The physical changes are definitely in progress. I feel like my belly is huge. He's definitely starting to show. He's still flip-flopping a lot. Dave tries to feel him as much as he can when we're watching TV or laying in bed, but sometimes he just stops moving. If there was one thing I could wish for, it would be for Dave to feel what I feel during the day. Those private moments in a meeting or at my desk when the acrobats start. Just the funny feelings that are so enjoyable. I wish he could feel that. I know it's an amazing gift and so special, and I cherish every minute of it.

This has also been a bit of an emotional week for me. Some what of a roller coaster. I think I have shared what a blessing and a curse my memory is when it comes to dates. Angela was born at 22-weeks and 6-days. That point of this pregnancy falls on Sunday, June 1st. That explains why Monday, June 2nd has been my next mental milestone for a while. That date puts me at 23-weeks, which is the longest I will have ever have been pregnant. In the mean time, I think of each day from when Angela was diagnosed with OI (July 10, 21w6d) to when she was born (July 17, 22-w6d). Each day, I have thought about where we were, what we were doing. Which hospital we were at. What doctors we were talking to. That I called Gretchen from the Boston Market parking lot to tell her what was going on, but that I still had an appetite to eat mashed potatoes and mac 'n' cheese. How much I hated one of the doctors. I still hate him,. and his stupid assistant. How my sister showed up to be with us at UH for an ultrasound, and even though we told our family not to come, I was so glad she was there. She brought me a giant Diet Coke. And then I couldn't believe she bought three of the same webkins for her kids (frogs!) at the hospital gift shop. How Lori pretended to be me when she called to make an appointment with the pediatric orthopedic specialist to have our appointment pushed up. And how she "forgot" my social security number, but played it off by being upset. She had the appointment moved up 5-days. She just kept saying that I was my only advocate. And now I believe that so much. But she and David were my voice that week. How we went to the Kenny Chesney concert that weekend to get out of the house. Kenny was in town last weekend. And even though I still love his music, I don't really listen to him anymore.

There are a million more memories. Ones that catch me off guard, or suck the wind out of me. Ones that remind me how much I love my husband. But the end result is always the same. We still lost our baby girl.

So during this 22nd week, as we are counting our blessings, and loving our little boy, we are missing his sister. We are missing our first baby. I keep comparing so many things. I am so grateful that 23-weeks is just around the corner, and that all new pregnancy feelings and emotions will be new for both of us.

I didn't mean for this to be a sad post. We are so happy.