Bittersweet.

Yesterday it was exactly 18-months since we lost Angela. A year and a half. I was shocked when it occurred to me. I was trying to get Danny to sleep and I had my cell phone in my hand and I looked to see what time it was, and I saw the date. January 17th.

My heart sank. I almost didn't remember. Me the person that knows every date. Remembers the most mundane dates. I almost didn't remember.

I sat there and thought about it. I tried to be logical. I tried to have perspective. Finally, I decided, maybe it was OK that I almost didn't remember. Not because I don't miss Angela and not because I don't think about her everyday. But because my life is so full and I am so truly blessed. For petes sake, I was holding my son. My perfectly healthy beautiful baby boy that smiles endlessly and brings us so much joy. My son that smiles at the distance and I always say he is smiling at Angela. Or she's telling him a joke. That they have their own club. And that because of her I have him. I have these conversations with him all the time.

Last year, I remember wanting to be pregnant again so badly at the 6-month mark. I took a test, and it came back negative. But she tricked me. Angela tricked me. She just wanted her day. Just like being born the day after our anniversary. She doesn't like to share, and I don't blame her. My test was negative, but I was pregnant with Danny. She made me wait an extra 6-days for that positive. But I was patient. I had a feeling. I just did. I've talked about the song I heard on the eve of her 6-month loss. "A hundred thousand angels by your side". I knew. It was sign.

Baby girl, I almost didn't remember yesterday, but I've never forgotten.